Normal Version Print Version	Share |

Donald Trump to Host Republican Debate, No One Cares

Still struggling to prove that he's not just a joke wearing a very convincing people costume, Donald Trump will be hosting his own debate in Des Moines, Iowa on December 27^th. Though he managed to ignore just how completely useless a Trump-moderated debate is, he did have the decency to avoid immediately ruining Christmas for everyone, so a gold star for Donald.

But things aren't coming together for Trumpamania, as all but two candidates have declined the invite. Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum opted in. If this thing actually goes forward, expect the single most dull debate in recent history. No offense to Santorum, but if I'm to believe recent polls then he's not even in the running at this point.

Those who have declined to appear have offered some pretty solid reasons. Michelle Bachmann pointed out that a balanced debate from Trump seems unlikely since he previously announced he was already leaning towards a candidate. Ron Paul claimed the whole thing was a publicity stunt for Trump, proving that Paul and I can actually agree on something for once. Huntsman also played the ratings card. Romney's official reason is that it fell too closely to other appearances he'd be making in Iowa, though speculation exists that the real reason is because Trump has made some rather unpleasant remarks about Mormons in the past.

Regardless, Trump must be kicking himself right about now. After playing the “I'm in/I'm out” game with his own presidential bid it would seem that he's finally losing whatever perplexing credibility he had. That isn't to say that he still doesn't have his supporters, however, who have offered up several reasons as to why a Trump debate would be the best thing ever. The reasons are bullshit, of course, but here's a breakdown just in case there's any doubt.

Reason 1: He's a great businessman.

No, no he isn't. That's not opinion, either, it's objective fact. I've written about it at length before alongside every other political writer in the country, so I won't go over it here, but people are confusing Trump the reality television star/board game with the actual Donald Trump, a man who goes through bankruptcy like most of us go through tissues.

But anyway, how does being a businessman make you fit to moderate a debate? If it were a debate about, say, business, then I could understand his value. But that's obviously not the case here.

Reason 2: No “Gotcha!” questions

I often find myself wondering what sort of ironic punishments await political figures in the afterlife. That's because I have no friends or hobbies, but that's not the point. The point is this: if there isn't a circle of Hell where winged demon babies constantly shout nonsensical phrases at Sarah Palin for eternity, then there truly is no God.