Merfolk Wizard

"If you've got voting problems, I feel bad for you son. I've got ninety-nine problems but unjust voting restrictions ain't one. Oh, wait, apparently it is. My bad..."

"I started this week like any other by feeding my crippling news junky addiction, and it left me feeling pretty much like shit. It happens every now and then: overloading on global affairs, politics and conspiracy theories will take the wind out of anyone's sails if given enough time. Thankfully, loved ones reminded me that Christmas was around the corner and that realistically a tinfoil hat wouldn't protect me from the HAARP space laser. So now I find myself in good cheer, singing carols and generally enjoying life...."

"As it has done since the 1927, Time magazine has named its Person of the Year. A sometimes controversial choice, this year's selection has managed to get half of the county's population's panties in a bunch. This year's Person of the Year is simply 'the protester.' The immediate reaction from most is a resounding 'meh' because it naturally relates to Occupy Wall Street...."

"A curious story if ever there was one: a woman protesting with Occupy Wall Street in New York managed to net herself a job on Wall Street, which may or may not be creating some sort of physical manifestation of a paradox elsewhere in the universe..."

"In an effort to promote healthier eating (or perhaps sadder children) San Francisco has banned restaurants from including toys in meals that are over six-hundred calories and don't contain a specific vegetable and fruit content..."

"If you're a returning reader then you know that I have a particularly low opinion of television personality and possible gremlin in a human costume Nancy Grace, who hosts the popular HLN program that carries her proud name as well as daytime courtroom (sans the courtroom) program Swift Justice. I've written about both of them extensively, and I'm not the only writer on the site who has..."

"The very first article I wrote for Cheatu D’If Press was Jesse Venture: From Govenor to Crazy, and I can tell you in complete honesty that I consider it to be one of the best pieces I’ve written for the site. I don't know what that says about my own self-confidence or the quality of my writing in general, but I can tell you that my only hope is that when the site is inevitably bought out by Google in the distant future, someone has the decency to bronze that article...."

"In the final weeks of October the UN announced that the world population would hit seven-billion on Halloween, or this past Monday. The announcement was intended as a warning of sorts, but most people saw it as a cause of celebration..."

"You don't know me personally, but I'm rather familiar with you and your work. I'll start this letter by saying that if you did know me personally, you probably wouldn't be my friend for very long at all. Not only does much of my lifestyle disagree with you, but I've spent the better part of three months prank-calling the 700 Club Prayer Line in the slim hope that I would somehow get patched through to you, just so I could call you a dick-eating son of whore..."

"It’s ten years after 9/11 and I think as a whole the country has done its best to move forward. Still, that won't stop douchebags from leaping into action, and leap they did as twenty-nine year-old Ali Reza Shashsavari threatened to bring down a commercial airliner over Amarillo, Texas this Wednesday..."